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Set Fire to the Rain 9/12

Title: Set Fire to the Rain 9/12
Author: smartasswillow
Fandom: The Closer
Rating: M
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon


After another shower and changing into clean clothes she got to work. She entered the murder room, rushing to her office.
“Chief. Chief!”
“Not now Lieutenant Flynn, not now.” She closed the door and leaned on it. The dizziness wasn't gone yet. She noticed the blinds were open and that everybody was looking at her. She closed the curtains with irritation and dropped on her chair hugging her purse. There was so much to think about that her brain was at a stall. As hard as she tried she wasn't able to process what had happened in the last fifteen hours.
A knock on the door snapped her out of frantic thoughts.
“Come in.”
“Hi Chief. Just wanted to say that Commander Taylor is bringing the Loriega kid here in half an hour.”
“Thank you Lieutenant Provenza. Is that all?”
“Yes.” The old man said but he didn't move, suddenly interested in his own shoes. “When my third wife and I had a big fight, and that was often, I found it helpful to talk to someone about it. Just to have a neutral opinion. You know, a glass of whiskey, a cigar and a man to man chat before going home and start arguing again.”
Brenda looked at him puzzled. Was he offering a shoulder to cry on? And most of all was she so easy to read? That chance horrified her.
“Ok. Let me know when the kid is here.”
“Sure Chief.”

Brenda left work at six o'clock. She managed to hold herself together but could tell looking in her officers' eyes that she wasn't doing it too well and thought it would be better for everyone to end the day as soon as possible.
Fritz wasn't at home, it was too early anyway and she decided to cook dinner. She never cooked, she couldn’t cook at all. Fritz was the one who usually made dinner or called for take away. She'd always thought that kitchen duty was for people who couldn't do anything else. But right now doing something silly was exactly what she needed. Only to find out a few minutes later that it wasn't as easy as she suspected. She put all the ingredients on the table and stared at them, hoping that maybe they'd mix and crawl in a pot by themselves. That was her life too. She had everything yet wasn't able to make it work. Fritz was the best husband she could ever hope for. He was understanding, he bore her flaws and maybe liked them a bit as well. He kept the house clean and gathered her clothes and shoes from everywhere she had abandoned them. He loved her and cared for her. He'd listened to her all night babbling about a case and handled her parents in a way she never could. Oh Mama and Daddy would be so disappointed with her but she couldn't worry about them too now.
She had to admit that her life was beautiful and safe before all of this mess had hit her. That her life was comfortable. Was that all? Comfortable was what everybody was looking for? Being with Sharon wasn't comfortable, was challenging and intense and she was sure that Sharon would never let her get away with anything like Fritz would. That she'd ask her to commit and work as hard as she would. Was she even capable of doing that? Yet she was drawn to the woman. Drawn to all the incredible and misleading sensations she made her feel.
She was used to being taken care of, at least at home, she loved to be cuddled and spoiled. And this brand new need to be the one who protects and looks after somebody else was so confusing. But powerful too. So powerful.
Or maybe it was just lust blurring her judgment and she was dangerously close to throwing her life away for nothing.
Perhaps Provenza was right and she needed a friend. Unfortunately she didn't have any.

She had waited for Fritz all night but he never came home. Now Will wanted to see her. She really wasn’t in the mood.
When she entered his office her breath caught. No, no, no, she wasn’t ready for that. Green eyes shifted to look briefly in hers. Something was there but Brenda was too deep in panic to notice.
“Good morning Chief.”
“Chief Pope, Captain Raydor. What’s going on?”
“Please have a seat, Brenda.”
“I’d rather not.”
The tension was palpable. Sharon was staring at the wall behind Pope, her fingers were crossed and Brenda could see the knuckles turning white.
“Can someone please talk?” She was desperately trying to keep her voice neutral but was obviously failing.
“Mmmm Brenda… Captain Raydor here has found out something. Maybe it’s nothing but she thought I should be informed…”
“Something? About what?”
“The McKurt case.”
Brenda looked at him puzzled. What the hell he was talking about?
“The child molester, seven months ago?”
“Oh. Yes. What about him?”
“You couldn’t charge him with anything.”
“He was a sick smart bastard. So what?”
“You gave his name out at a neighbourhood association.” He looked up on the file he was holding. “Protect The Children.”
“I’m not sure what your point is, Will.”
“The leader of PTC, James Gold, is now the prime suspect in the murder of McKurt.”
“He’s been killed?”
“Yes, two days ago. It seems that since you had to let him go Gold had harassed him in many creative ways.”
“I still don’t understand what I have to do with it.”
“Captain Raydor and I are worried that if James Gold is found guilty, McKurt’s family can sue you and the LAPD.”
“Brenda you had no right to give out his name, he wasn’t charged with anything!”
“He was a child molester. What did you expect me to do?”
“I don’t know Brenda. Respect the law?”
Brenda couldn’t face this too. Not now that her life was already sinking.
“And you?” Sharon stiffed her back slightly but didn’t look at her. “Captain Raydor, don’t you have anything to say? Maybe one of your little smirks would be appropriate.”
“Brenda! She just did her job. It’s not her fault you screwed up.”
But Brenda wasn’t listening to him. “Why didn’t you come to me first? Why did you have to put me in this situation?”
Sharon finally spoke but her voice came out feeble. “I don’t report to you.”
“You what? I’m your superior!”
“Not in this investigation.”
“Is that what we are talking about?”
“You just pulled rank, Chief.”
“And you just reminded me what you really are. A bitch.”
“Ladies!” Pope was astonished. And confused, even more so when he watched Raydor looking at Brenda for the first time. Her eyes were rapidly watering and hurt was all over her face.
“Ok, now everybody cool down. Brenda. Brenda? Chief Johnson!” The two women couldn’t stop staring at each other. When finally Will’s voice snapped Brenda out she turned to him. “What?”
“Nothing has happened yet. This meeting was meant just to have everybody ready in case well… something should happen.”
“If we will be sued I don’t want her to investigate me again.”
“That shouldn't be a problem, Captain Raydor made the same request before you got here.” He paused, not sure if he wanted an answer to the question he was about to ask. “Is there something going on that I should know of?”
“Absolutely nothing.” Brenda said it to Raydor so it didn’t sound very truthful to Pope.
Brenda being mad was a bitterly familiar image but a defeated Captain Raydor was new to him. It made him uncomfortable. He was usually scared of her, she was always so intimidating that seeing her about to fall apart… well he just didn’t want to be there to watch.
“Good then I think we’re done here. Back to work.”
Brenda left right away. Sharon stood up unsteadily.
“Goodbye Chief.”
“Yes… goodbye Captain. Good job.”
A sad smile and a nod were all he got back and he regretted the compliment, not sure why.

So now everything was easier. That woman made it easier. Clearly it wasn’t love. She screwed her over. She took a mock investigation and turned it into a potential lawsuit. How stupid of her thinking that that woman had a heart. That she cared about her. That she could leave Fritz for her! Fritz would have never stabbed her in the back. She should have been relieved, now she knew what to do. Then why was the only thing she could feel bitterness in her mouth?

That night she sat in her living room. All lights off, waiting for Fritz. Jumping every time a car passed by. She was so tired; she just wanted to go back to her old life. She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until the door opened.
“I’m here to take some clothes Brenda, not to be ambushed.”
“We need to talk.”
“I don’t.”
“Then I need to talk.” He left for the bedroom.
“Fritz!” she followed him. “Please listen to me.” He took a bag and started to fill it up.
“I made a mistake. A huge mistake. She distracted me.” He gave her a deadly look. “Ok, I let her distract me. I was so confused. I just wanted to make her stop being so righteous and perfect. It sounds childish I know, it was a stupid game but then it just went out of control. And I couldn’t think anymore, my brain couldn’t work anymore, it was so strong. And wrong. And strong. For God’s sake Fritz say something. I’m sure it’s happened to you too. To meet someone and get lost in her.”
“Yes Brenda. And it was you.”
“Oh Fritz... please, please. Don’t leave me. We can go back. We can start all over again.” She tried to hug him but Fritz pushed her away against the wardrobe.
“You can’t undo things. As much as you wish to.”
“Then we’ll be different. But together. Fritz don’t do this to me.” She was back on him.
“Do what Brenda?” He pushed her again. “This?” He trapped her between his body and the wardrobe.
She kissed him. Kissed his face, his cheek, his mouth. Trying not to think how rough his skin suddenly seemed. He lifted Brenda and fell with her on the bed.
“Are you thinking of her?”
“Are you thinking of her hands?” He pulled down her yoga pants.
“Tell me. How she touched you?”
“Was she tender or firm?”
“Stop it!”
“Really? Do you want me to stop?”
“No…” But she was squinting her eyes to hide the tears.
He cupped her. “Are you wet for me or for her?”
As soon as she started crying he stood up.
“That’s why you can’t undo things.”
Brenda hugged her legs, sobbing. He closed his bag and once at the door he turned to her.
“Did she do something to you today? Did she make you angry?”
Brenda stopped trembling and opened her eyes.
“I guess so.”
After he left she laid still until morning.

The tea was getting cold. Sharon wondered when exactly she had boiled the water because she couldn’t even remember getting home. She put a finger in the cup, then in her mouth. She used to do it as a kid, to make sure what was waiting for her. Raspberry? Earl grey? Mellon? Her mom used to give her a piece of cake and a mystery tea every afternoon. Sharon hated surprises but her mom seemed so pleased that she played along.
But she had had too many surprises lately and she wasn’t sure she could play along anymore. When she had found out the day before about the murder she had felt something inside breaking. And she discovered that when hope dies, it dies loudly.
She never thought of covering it up because it would have been pointless. But most of all because she wasn’t that kind of person, that kind of cop. What she really regretted was accepting the investigation at the beginning. She should have known it was a big conflict of interest. But being close to Brenda had made her soft. Well now this problem was out of the picture. Brenda would never understand her reasons.
That stupid, stupid woman! Everything must always be about her.
Well not anymore, she would make sure of that. She would make Brenda see the truth. What could she lose that she hadn’t already?


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 27th, 2011 03:08 am (UTC)

Oh wow this is very powerful.

Sep. 27th, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Not many people seem to like this story and i feel a bit insecure. So I do appreciate your comments!
Sep. 27th, 2011 04:26 pm (UTC)
Really, well I do like it and am looking forward to the next chapters. It's definitely different, but I like different.
Sep. 27th, 2011 06:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I'm really happy that you like it! And I'm happy to be/write different (or differently? English grammar will be the death of me).
Sep. 27th, 2011 05:42 pm (UTC)
Love this chapter...so much angst for both of them :D
Poor Sharon, she's hurting so much without Brenda even noticing...she really has a lot to make up for ^^
And I just noticed how well you write these two, their reactions just fit =)

BTW I have a theory why you wouldn't get so many comments. Maybe it's because you already said, that the story is complete and so nobody would feel the need to comment...cuz I can't imagine that just so few people like this great story...
But that's just me thinking aloud... ;)
Sep. 27th, 2011 06:03 pm (UTC)
If I will ever write another long story I'll blackmail my readers:)
I think I put a little of me in both of them, but I tried to stay in character as much as I could. And it's hard if they live in another continent, have almost two times your age and speak another language:) But that's also why it was so much fun!

Maybe I can be mean and not post the last 3 chapters for a while... mmm I'll think about it...
Sep. 27th, 2011 08:25 pm (UTC)
NOPE not a good idea...seriously, not at all ^^ =P
So no being mean...pretty please!!! :D

But I can imagine that it's hard to stay in character all the time and in a different language nonetheless (I'm neither a native English speaker)...I tried to write some stuff for SVU but never got beyond the drabbles.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )